all i can say right now journal. is that I'm really happy. I haven't felt this way in a while. Not this kind of happy. I know I'm setting myself up for a kill, but u know what...? This time I'm ready. So my heart is honestly ready for a disapointment if one comes. and I know it's nothing serious....but...I don't mind one bit. I'm happy, and that's what I really need in my life right now.
As long as I know the way of it...and don't get invovled, I should be good. For now. THis is a temporary thing, maybe even a one time thing...who knows.
I'm an adult, and I can make my own choices. I choose to accept whatever outcome comes of this.

Journal....I am very tired. I am still on my path. I just picked up another [fill word] on the way. It's not an obstacle, or i wouldn't have had it attached to the way.
But it is a tricky one that is for sure. Tricky, only in a sense that we've some past history.


heh. yea. One day things will be perfect. I'll know where I stand. I'll be at my highest point. I have to work hard to get there though. It's not a free ride. Though along the way I may get a few free distances closer, in the long run, the whole ride isn't a free one. Discipline is my greatest opponent along this path.

My head is starting to hurt.

scratch pad:
Funny thing is....I know what I have to do.
I know how I want to live.
I know he whom I could love.
I know he whom could love Me.
[unfinished]

I live in a house,
that which no one can see into.
I welcome them in,
and yet, they retreat.
Retreat with confusion;
with misunderstanding;
with jealousy and anger and hate.

Come in to my house.
Don't be afraid.
There will be no harm.
There will be hospitality.
There will be friendship.
There will be love.
There will be compassion.
True and honest,
please enter my home.

He came and played.
and he played, and played.
I sat and I watched.
I watched and I watched.

Maybe some day,
Not too far away,
We both could be happy,
oh gawd, this is so sappy!

yea.... I need rest...
but wait...not quite yet!

Dance, Dance, Dance.
You silly girl; You are no good.
You look like a fool.
Dance Dance Dance,
Girl, get down and take a break.
Take a drink. and then wait.
Dance Dance Dance
Hurry now, start the game.
No waiting in line for your chance,
Get back up and set your stance.
Dance Dance Dance.
That dancing girl seems not to mind,
Others judgments, yours and especially mine.

I'm so out of it right now.
I think I'm going to bed.

~Mari


Btw...this is all random. Some pertains to a specific person, another to another, another to myself, another make believe?, etc. etc.